Lessons Learned

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Nope. . . .

Marriage is not a utopian bliss.

No relationship is realistically a utopian bliss, not even the relationship we have with ourselves, so stop looking for it!

Those dirty clothes your partner leaves on the bathroom floor, everyday, without any regard for you whatsoever…

Those plans your mate is just not capable of making on their own…

That door your spouse does not know how to close behind them…

These things will NEVER change!

Well, never is harsh, they might, with work and will and respect for your partners.

We all tend to get a little (or a lot) selfish in our relationships at times, but we must take inventory occasionally of how much we are pouring in to the relationship, how much we are giving back to our partner.

Are you just a giant child who feels entitled to be a self-centered, emotionally-unstable brat and that your partner should just deal with it and love you anyway, because again, you’re entitled to it?

Are you a dedicated business person who offloads all personal responsibilities onto your spouse, including housekeeping, bill paying, child rearing, and even coordinating recreational activities?

What, then, are you giving to the relationship?
What do you have to offer?

How are you a desirable person to date?
How are you pulling your own weight?

In what ways are you proving yourself a PARTNER?  Partner.

Relationships ARE 50/50!

That is a delicate balance that can NEVER be thrown off if you are truly serious about having a good relationship work.

It’s okay to give and take a little now and then, when the circumstances legitimately warrant it, but you do not get to be a giant brat and shut down, or act out, or fail to communicate effectively, in place of games and tests.

Your spouse is NOT your parents!

You are no longer a child.  Grow Up!

If you weren’t raised sufficiently and still need a mom or dad, you are NOT READY for a relationship.  Work on yourself.

Honestly, work on yourself, raise yourself. 
If you are over 24, then you should have the ability to see the world for yourself, you shouldn’t need mommy and daddy showing you the way anymore.

That lack of maturity does NOT make you desirable.  Work on yourself BEFORE you even think of dating or reproducing. 
It is a much slower and more difficult task to try and grow up with burdens and distractions pulling you down.
Trust me.

And here’s the trick:  ready? . . .

FOCUS ON YOUR FLAWS.

I know, you probably spend every ounce of energy in your existence avoiding this painful realization.
But, without being able to see what’s wrong, you will never be able to fix it, you’ll remain ignorant and confused. And faking only gets you so far… You’ve probably come to learn at least that much.

If you want to stop being that person who gets the guy/girl, only to have that person wrestle from your unwanted grasp 6 months later, leaving you heartbroken, self-loathing, angry, and confused. . .
Focus on your flaws.  On YOUR flaws.

That’s the ticket.

Don’t worry about what your partner is doing wrong, (let them read this too! ) because relationships are balance.  And if your other half is off, chances are, it’s because you are too.

If they are pulling away or becoming distant: 
Are you bitchy or negative or becoming an emotionally needy burden?

If there are issues in your lives, try approaching them with the silver lining first.  “You’re either part of the solution or part of the problem.”
How do you want your partner to see you?

If they are emotionally needy or bitchy:

Are you distracted or distant? Are you bottling resentment or just failing to communicate with your partner?

A relationship IS a company.  You are running a business, the very difficult business of producing an incredibly addictive and potentially dangerous drug called Love. 
You are the company CEO and your partner is your co-chair.
Each of you has an important job to do to keep the company running smooth.
Shared responsibility.

First things first, who are you in business with?  Is this person capable of running a company head to head with you? 
Are they responsible, smart, caring, generous?  Trustworthy?
Are they immature, ignorant, selfish, greedy?
You should be smart about who you go into business with.  The partner you choose will be someone you expect to share everything with.
Be very discerning in the partner you choose.

If you take anyone who will have you, and pour every ounce of yourself into them, losing yourself along the way, because of loneliness and desperation, and hope that if you bleed yourself dry for them it will work out:

What do you, realistically, think is actually going to happen? 
You are not a desirable person to date.
You are a human house-pet.

Do your job, pull your weight, but do make sure you’re not pulling theirs too.

None will have respect for you if you don’t respect yourself.  You offer an example of what’s allowed by allowing it.  If you are allowing yourself to be a doormat, to be disrespected by your mate… Why?  They’re doing it, because THEY CAN.
Get out and work on yourself.
Don’t blame them for being what they are, let yourself learn your worth.
You can only change yourself. Focus on that.
AND DON’T GO BACK!  DO NOT GO BACK.

All this shows is that you are not any smarter or stronger, that you just needed a timeout.
People that use you, will never change, they will only find someone else to use if not you.
And no matter the “punishment”, you are only actually teaching them, by taking them back, that they can get away with it. That it’s okay.
Don’t be desperate.  Don’t go back!

DON’T BE DESPERATE.

It makes you undesirable and attracts users who see they can take advantage of your weakness.

And, we’ve all been there at least once (or twice) whether or not we care to admit it. 
Relationships take work. 
Being good at anything takes learning,  training, practice.  And work. 
Work on ourselves.

Don’t put that burden on a potential partner, it will be your demise.

And if you jump from relationship to relationship just because the people are “hot” or easy or come with benefits, and you hope it will work out for you:

You are hopeless and self-centered. You need to stay single.
Don’t be a predator.  Work on yourself.

And the most important secret:

COMMUNICATE.

That doesn’t mean bitch & nag or smother & stalk.
Be a person desirable to date.
Give them distance, that comes ONLY with the condition of RESPECT.
And if they violate that condition, don’t take away your trust, be prepared to take away YOURSELF.
Have trust or don’t have a relationship with a person you don’t think you can trust.  They’re not the one. No matter how hot they are. No matter the benefits.  Move on.

When you get close to someone, you learn more about their character, their beliefs, their flaws.  And they, yours.
Maybe you begin to realize that you are not compatible with the person you’ve gotten to know… LET THEM KNOW.
Don’t be selfish and try to snake away, be a respectable person.  Tell the truth!
People CAN handle being dumped, just have tact.

You are absolutely entitled to your feelings, but BE HONEST.
You know when you’re being lied to, you’re left stabbed in the heart and confused.  We all do.
Give closure.  Take responsibility.

And above all, DON’T GO BACK.

It is NEVER okay to use someone as an emotional filler.  Especially someone you know is vulnerable and therefore weak.  Suck it up.  Real control, is self-control.  Work on yourself.

*Or see paragraph above about relationship jumping.

And that’s all, folks.

That’s what I’ve learned so far.  It took a lifetime to adjust my eyes to see the path, but now it is so clear.

This is no magic formula guaranteed to work, but they are resources I’ve gathered as I’ve passed previous levels.
*gamer reference

Marriage is not when life gets easy and relationships are perfect (or vice versa).
Relationships are a factory, producing LOVE.  Don’t neglect your factory or your business.  Nobody gets to be selfish and have it all, that does not make you a desirable person to do business with.  Work on yourself. 
Or stay single. . . Whichever.

But, stay tuned. . . .

Is This “happily ever after”?
Not so far, no.

Happy, yes.  Problem-free, nope.

Relationships are a human experience, even marriage.  People aren’t perfect, and they aren’t going to be.  Them or you, him or me.
But, that’s okay. 
Everything you are, makes you who you are.  The good and the ugly, the right and the bad.  We are comprised of balance.

I will catch him when he falls and help him back on his feet, because I trust that he will do the same for me.

As long as we have the same goal in mind, the same destination ahead, and we are going there hand-in-hand.

I believe in my partner… Everything that he is.

You are not a perfect person, you will never have a perfect relationship.
Stop looking for it.
Just make sure it’s good, and embrace what it is.

“When the Japanese mend broken objects, they aggrandize the damage by filling the cracks with gold.  They believe that when something’s suffered damage and has a history, it becomes more beautiful.”
-B. Bloom

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Thirst Quenching

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“It’s sometimes difficult to distinguish love from need.  We may think that because we feel as if we can’t live without someone, we must love them very much.  But this is more a sign of need than love. 
If our sense of security is based on another person, if our happiness seems to depend on whether that person is available to us, the chances are that our feelings stem from neediness rather than true love.

When we are already whole, secure people, finding someone to love is like the icing on the cake.  We don’t need them in order to have a happy life, but our love sure makes life a lot better. Unfortunately, most people look to love to make them whole, to fill up some empty space inside themselves.”
-Author Unknown

This has been a subject matter I’ve been witnessing for some time now. 
Watching friends and strangers looking for fulfillment, validation, attention, affection, etc…  Latch onto relationships desperate to use another person to fill that void.  I’ve watched these people fail one after another without understanding what went/goes wrong.  One after the next.
Sometimes, it’s one or two in a years time, for others, it’s a new relationship every two months!

Of course I’ve had my fair share of failed relationships, we all (or most) have.  And of course it’s easy to see when looking from the outside in.
So, I’m not judging, just observing, learning.
No matter where we are at in our own personal path in life, be it relationships, career, or other personal successes, I feel we should always stay open to learning and looking for ways to lend a helping hand, to share what knowledge we have obtained.
So, my observation is not for entertainment, but for study and theory.  The unfortunate solution being, that no person can be given direction or an “easy answer” to fix their fatal pattern.  Everybody has to go through each and every event and experience it for themselves to learn what they personally need to learn from any situation.  Because, let’s face it, we all know you can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make it drink.

Explaining to someone needy that self-love is their solution is the last thing that person will be open to accepting.
They need to learn that lesson the hard way.  They need to bottom out and be let down by other’s inability to fill their void, it’s only through that method that they’ll see the answer and gain the ability to heal themselves.

So, like any of my blogs, this is not an answer, solution or advice post, just a personal opinion intended to create awareness.  Self-Awareness.

What are your relationships based on?  Are you full on your own or looking for someone to fulfill you?
Is the attention that you require from others justified, or demanded to fulfill a need? 
Do you give as much support as you take?
Does your partner support you, or just take, demand, and expect?
When your relationships end, do you take responsibility for anything? Or just place blame?

The more simple version to self-awareness is this question:

Do you want a relationship, or do you need someone?
Are you capable of supporting yourself emotionally or do you need someone else to always “fix” you?

Like I said, I have no answers, I have no judgements.  Those are things we can only bring upon ourselves.
I am merely learning like the rest of us, and always trying to keep focused on my own pattern and progress as well.
Even if we’re married, happily or otherwise, this is a helpful subject matter to keep in mind.  Keep ourselves in check.  Keep our relationships balanced.
It may just save someone from emotional demise.

Will it be you?

Stay tuned!

If you’re keeping up with the blog, you know all the venues:

Twitter: /kalanilei – “your ex-girlfriend”
Facebook: ” Yoer eX-gurlfrend “
YouTube: /kalanilei – “your ex-girlfriend”
and now
Instagram: your__ex_girlfriend

Find me! Follow me! Friend me!

Till next time . . . .

Is It Possible?

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Holding On

Is it possible to love someone too much?

To depend on them too much? To not have any reservations about this?

Many “experts” would easily argue “yes“…
This could easily be catergorized as need, dependancy, lust, infatuation, or ego feed.

But then, what is it called when you are “all in”?
No life raft on the boat, no parachute on the plane, not even a seat that doubles as a floatation device… no insurance policy or off-shore accounts. . .

No back-up plan. No going back.

Is this vulnerability supposed to be scary? Isn’t it supposed to be comforting?
Is it too much? SHOULD there be a Plan B?

The way I see… Marriage is like skating on ice:

Each partner is a blade, they have the weight of a combination life on a mutual load, and the object is to balance this weight on a often slippery and unpredictable surface while attempting to move the load forward and hopefully have some fun in the process.

Is that asking too much?
To trust another person to help balance that weight without staying close to the edge of the ice, without keeping a hand on that wall to be prepared to catch yourself if you do lose balance.
Is that doing too much?

What are risks?
For some, just falling.
For others, falling thropugh the ice. . .

And my fear at this point in “the honeymoon phase”, is not falling through the ice… or even falling for that matter, but more the fear that that SHOULD or SHOULDN’T be a fear.

My husband, who admirably understands and accepts my past, my hesitations, my fears, asked me recently, “Are you still holding back?”

I thought I’d be able to answer this question without hesitation, I know myself, I can assess where I am at… But there was a hesitation.
I really couldn’t assess myself.

I guess I had gotten so distracted with married life that I had forgotten to account for the fear of being married.

Is my hand still on the wall?
I forgot to look back. . . I forgot to look up!

I think I’ve been so distracted with staring at the two blades in wonder and awe, and a little anxiety, watching them go from fumbling and inexperienced to balanced and almost, almost graceful!
Like a toddler learning to walk…and then skate! LOL
Seeing each one occassionaly become a little weak, a bit wobbly, worrying that the other would collapse from the weight, but then watching as the burden of weight is effortlessly transferred back and forth and the two blades continue to push forward…
Impressed and proud that so much burden can be balanced and transported by two fragile, unassuming little blades.

But is my hand still on the wall?

Is it??

Is it possible that I’ve finally let go? That I’m no longer looking to save myself?

I’m looking around now for that saftey feature, that security, to know I have a second chance…
But I don’t think I do.

The wall is not within arms reach. My hand is in his hand.

And, honestly, I think it’s safer this way.

Holding onto the wall keeps us from trusting our own two feet and the blades underneath them.
We’ll never learn the required balance to push forward or begin learning new spins and tricks with our hand on the wall.  And that’s the fun stuff!
And marriage is supposed to be fun, right?

Is that even possible?

Maybe it is.  Maybe it’s not.  Maybe trusting someone too much is dumb.  And sometimes the ice is thin. . . but I’m “all in”.  No more holding back, no holding onto the wall.
My hand is in my partner’s hand and I will trust him to help move us along.

And maybe, just maybe, if we work hard enough and practice everyday, we’ll learn a new trick along the way!

If that’s possible.

Thanks for following us on our adventure!  Hopefully it will be an exciting and fun ride.  Keep up with more relationship fun through these other social networks as well:

Facebook:  Your eXgirlfriend

Twitter: Your eXgirlfriend

InstaGram: @your__ex_girlfriend or #kalanilei

Stay tuned for more . . .

Trust Issues

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Trust Issues

Trust Issues

Sometimes, I question if my husband really loves me, or just the idea of me.  I still don’t know what is real, or what real love is.

In all of my life, I have never had any one person actually love me or care for me, including childhood and infancy.  People have only ever used me.  Maybe in that void I just wanted (needed) to be loved too badly, loved at all.  Oh, I’ve had countless people see potential in me and want me for a trophy wife or personal possession, but they never really cared about me, they only cared about what I could do for them.  They were selfish, and self-centered and therefore unworthy of my love, but this has become my acquired self-worth…. That, I myself, am unworthy of love.

And then this hero comes along…  So what makes him different?  What makes me believe that I can trust him?  How do I know if it’s real, or if he is just more charming than the rest?  I don’t.

Most of the time I’m completely convinced, allowing myself to live in the bubble, believing the dream, but then I get a quite moment to reflect and that familiar doubt creeps in. . .

How does a person argue with a lifetime of experience and win?  Or do they at all?

Maybe this doubt is a red flag, alerting me of the old familiar to-good-to-be-true.  Because, I’m me… Unlovable. I must be.  This is what I’ve been lead to believe, this has been my only experience. . . Until now.

I may be going back and forth and reiterating, but this is the reflection of my thought process.  I’m fighting with myself… over being loved!  Why am I so self-destructive?  This is probably the root of why I’ve NEVER been loved, because after so much experience I most likely created a defense of expecting it and either allowing it or instigating it. . . And this is what people do.  We protect ourselves from being unloved by not allowing ourselves to be loved?!?  Or accepting anything that anyone passes off onto us as “love”, even if it’s hurtful or destructive too.  Unfortunately.

So now this person, this knight in shining armor, the one your cynicism warned you about, comes along and suddenly does what no one else could do. . . He sees into me, he sees truth and love and good hidden under all of the trauma and neglect and pain.  But how!?!?  He doesn’t exist!  How could he?!  I convinced myself he can’t be true, it could never, would never, happen to me. 

But he loves me.  He wont give up on me.  He insists that I’m worthy.  Maybe someday he’ll teach me.  He’s a dream come true, and everything I ever wanted him to be.  I think I’m going crazy. 

Then what the hell is he doing with an emotional cripple like me?  But he nurtures me and cares for me and I’m slowly coming along.  Maybe someday I’ll see what he sees.  Maybe someday I’ll believe I’m worthy of love.  And when that day comes I’ll know if he’s real and why he loves me.  Fortunately, I have the rest of my life to find out.

Until then . . .

 

Facebook.com/lolita.ventura1

Twitter.com/kalanilei

Youtube.com/kalanilei

 

So far. . .

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- 50% of all marriages this year will statistically end in divorce within 5 years. -

TOP 3 CAUSES OF DIVORCE IN AMERICA:

#3 Family Pressure.
Many People allow family or friends to control their lives.

#2 Infidelity
Cheating is one of the most selfish acts a person can succumb to.

#1 Money
Couples young and old have been known to part over financial issues.

It’s been two months tomorrow.
So far, marriage is everything they say that it will be…

Friendship, partnership, higher stress rate, lower sex drive, money problems, baggage, along with endless blame, arguments, comfort, insecurities, affection, tension, love, gratitude and lack of appreciation. In no particular order.

Marriage is not easy. I don’t believe that it is supposed to be. Just like anything else worth having, or worth being worthy of, it is supposed to be ‘worth it’.
So many people have this delusion that once they walk down that isle that all their dreams come true, they receive a medieval dowry and live happily and comfortably ever after in sexual, utopian bliss. . .
Deep down, even the most delusional of us know that that is merely a dream cloaking the reality of family, friends, exs, sacrifice, and financial hurdles littering the path between wedded and bliss.

I used to say “relationships are hard”.
Relationships are NOT hard. I am an over-achiever who strives for perfection and is deathly afraid to even attempt anything I don’t believe I can do perfectly and easily. So yes, relationships were hard for me, because I let them be! I was too stubborn to give up any amount of time and effort I had wasted on some dead relationship and just cut my losses instead of desperately attempting to CPR it into some passable state of successful appearance.
Relationships were hard because I was hard on myself, and there is always gonna be some deadbeat loser loitering around to take advantage of that delusional drive many women have to “make it work”.
When relationships became easier is when I realized how easy it is to cut the loss and walk away. When I opened my eyes to the fact that I was crying over how there is someone better out there, but they were never gonna see me with some incapable, dramatic, man-child in my way.
(And if they did, they would realize based on who/what I was dealing with that they were out of my league. Truth hurts)
So I stopped pretending that relationships were so hard and stopped accepting less than what I knew I truly deserved… Suddenly, relationships were not hard, relationships no longer had unrealistic amounts of pressure, relationships are temporary, like, auditions. If they don’t make it, it’s not your fault, they just weren’t right for the roll. NEXT!

Marriage. Marriage is hard. There is no one next, no one else to audition, you’ve cast the roll of life partner and you are praying to the powers that be that that person can pull it off. The camera is live, everyone is watching, your future depends on this and there is no going back.

Marriage is hard.
Marriage is permanent (for those, like myself, who don’t believe in divorce). All mistakes are inerasable. And it feels like everyone is watching, waiting, hoping to see you fail. . .

Something about that permanency is so claustrophobic.
But also somehow very comforting and relieving at the same time.
Knowing no matter what you are going through and how difficult is gets, you will always have a partner in crime, someone will always have your back. You may go through low lows, but you won’t ever again have to go them alone.

A young couple approached me a few weeks ago with questions on how my new spouse and I were getting along, I explained to them that I’m still new to this myself, but my understanding of our positions in a marriage is that, you know you’re in it for the long haul, so you always try hard to be nice to each other and as good to one another as possible, because you know that you have a LONG way to go.

#1 Money Troubles
#2 Temptation
#3 Social Pressure

We have a long way to go. . .

Stay tuned to see how it goes.
*Going to attempt a new video sometime in the near future. I know, I know, I always promise that. And EVENTUALLY, I always get around to it.
You guys wanna meet my mate?

As always:

Follow me on Twitter: @kalanilei (your ex-girlfriend)

Friend me on FB: /lolita.ventura1 (yoer ex gurlfrend)

Watch Me on YouTube: @kalanilei (Highlights from My Life)

Until next time…

Thanks for reading!
And to all my subscribers, you are amazing! Thanks for following me through all my relationships adventures! Hope it has been an entertaining and exciting ride.
Aloha!

NEW

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I’m back!

It’s been a while, I’ve been neglecting my blog and all of my follower/readers and I apologize! Those of you that have been keeping up with me on Twitter or Facebook have all of your updates and know of all the changes as they’ve taken place, the rest of you will have to read on. . .

In my previous posts I met a “nice guy”, things since then have been so hectic and overwhelming and fleeting that I have had no time to write a blog about the “nice guy” I met and how that scenerio played out.
Rough draft version:

He was nice, and a lot of fun to be around. He was honest and communicative, interesting and intelligent, supportive and caring, hard-working and generous, compassionate and understanding, and chivalrous… Everything a woman could want, right?

We went on a few dates, that were all really great, I loved spending time with him and couldn’t wait for the next time I got to be with him. After two months we decided to make the relationship official (by giving it a title! I don’t know what you all are thinking).
Meanwhile, in other areas of my life there is a war raging on. A war involving egos, money, connections, families, friends, enemies, and a very valuable prize to be won in the center of it all.
This turmoil was more than I could ever ask a new aquaintance to be involved in on any more than an emotionally supportive level, but he was all too eager… My defenses flared up.
We know about my trust issues, and I couldn’t help but wonder what all girls with scars would wonder “Why is he so nice? What does he want from me? What’s his angle?”

With everyone in the past I could see clearly through them, their intentions were selfish and destructive. I would get involved with these boys assuming I was in full control because my eyes were open, despite that it would still end, inevitably, in disaster.

I don’t know what it was that made me drop my guard with this one. What made me consider the fear, but journey past it without hesitation or guard, but I did. Something different, almost impossible to explain other than, it just felt right.

From the moment we met there was an extremely comfortable chemistry, the feels-like-I’ve-known-him-all-my-life chemistry.
Within 6 months we were living together and planning our future together.
TOO SOON!
I know you are all thinking it, because I was too. But it’s been said to cliche’ that “when it feels right, it just feels right”. I knew I could see myself with this person well into the future, finally a man had come along that met my standards, but did I meet his?
During the time I got to call myself his girlfriend, it felt like a priviledge, but how long would that last?

In the beginning he was honest, interesting, supportive, generous, chivalrous… And he’s STILL all of those things, and that is why I now have the priviledge of calling myself his WIFE!

That’s right folks!
We did it. We tied the knot, jumped the broom, drank from the same goblet, got hitched, confirmed our relationship…etc However you wanna put it, we did it!

Tiny Handcuffs

Tiny Handcuffs

Your tragic, and dramatic “ex girlfriend” is now your naive, and bewilderded “new wife”.
On a very different journey with new characters and new direction, the adventures will be dramatically different from here.

My take on relationships will be given from a new perspective and predominantly focused on married life, which I’m guessing (based on the honeymoon phase) will be interesting to say the least.
There will still be the occasional human interest piece or conversation topic, but I am no longer on the “Yellow Brick Road”, I’ve seen the man behind the curtain and this is it! So now I’m following the “Red Brick Road”.
But where does it go?
There is a long and mysterious path layed ahead and I’m about to find out, so please STAY TUNED to see where this new road leads me.
The new adventure will be: Marriage – In Reality

*and feel free to conduct your own personal betting pool on how long the marriage will last… You’re gonna do it anyway.
Challenge excepted!

Follow Me! Twitter

Let’s Be Friends! Facebook

Watch This! YouTube

and now on IG as Your__ex_girlfriend

Live. Learn. . . Love

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It’s been awhile…
So much has restricted me in the past months, so much has emotionally overwhelmed me and incapacitated my ability to communicate. Much, if not all, of that has had to do with love…

This story is not all good, I’m not sure any truth could prevail in such a story, this story is the rough draft version of love and loss…
Throughout this blogging adventure I have been found in love, infatuated, insipid, irresponsible, ignorant and alone. Now, I am a new mother for the second time on a journey of suffering, self-awareness, security, and success.

In a recent, previous blog I mentioned a young man I had been having an irresponsible affair with that lead to an unexpected pregnancy and an even more unexpected tragedy of circumstances.
Since that time, that relationship has lead to the loss of my new infant son at the hand of his selfish, shameful, ignorant “father”… everyday I fight to the death to salvage whatever connection I possibly can with my infant son. Alone and desperately I have fought this demon and this tragedy, alone until now…

A few months ago I met a “nice guy”.
This was a perplexing challenge in my life up til now, a challenge I have, as far as I can tell, always lost in the past. But I met this guy and he broke the mold. He came into my life at one of the lowest points I have ever faced, he took me into his life and into his heart and relieved so much of my emotional burden and pain. This guy is like a miracle (or a living lie, for the longest time I couldn’t decide). This “nice guy” changed my mind about “every guy” by making me realize that they are NOT all the same. This “nice guy” REALLY IS a NICE GUY.
This nice guy, changed my life.
This nice guy is good to me in every way, and I am finally appreciated and encouraged instead of used and suppressed.
This nice guy showed me that I actually am worthy of love and released my fear and shame.
In his eyes I am beautiful, and strong, and creative, and kind, I am smart and loving, I am talented and have a really nice ass…. heehee just kidding…but not really, he loves my ass ;P
Through his perception, I am able to see that my goodness and strength is not lost upon the world of selfish drones. I am appreciated by at least one. I am loved and admired for being myself. I am seen for the person I really am, and not for the image they want me to be. He sees through the rumors, he lives above the lies.
In his arms I am as strong as he believes that I am.
In his eyes I am as beautiful as he sees that I am.
I have never been so in love with a man.

I am healing from the heartache of losing my loved one, but with his love, I am also growing stronger in my ability to push forward and fight. With him in my corner I believe, I feel, I can do anything. I feel I can win.
I am stronger and smarter through the love of him.

This is not a happy ending.
The journey doesn’t end here.
This is a happy beginning. This story is an introduction to a new person, a third layer, an older, wiser, more confident, more secure, more able person.

I met a nice guy…. and this nice guy saved me from what could have been the end…
This is the beginning.
A new woman, a new mother, a new designer, and soon… a new wife ;)

Stay Tuned. . .