“It’s sometimes difficult to distinguish love from need. We may think that because we feel as if we can’t live without someone, we must love them very much. But this is more a sign of need than love.
If our sense of security is based on another person, if our happiness seems to depend on whether that person is available to us, the chances are that our feelings stem from neediness rather than true love.
When we are already whole, secure people, finding someone to love is like the icing on the cake. We don’t need them in order to have a happy life, but our love sure makes life a lot better. Unfortunately, most people look to love to make them whole, to fill up some empty space inside themselves.”
This has been a subject matter I’ve been witnessing for some time now.
Watching friends and strangers looking for fulfillment, validation, attention, affection, etc… Latch onto relationships desperate to use another person to fill that void. I’ve watched these people fail one after another without understanding what went/goes wrong. One after the next.
Sometimes, it’s one or two in a years time, for others, it’s a new relationship every two months!
Of course I’ve had my fair share of failed relationships, we all (or most) have. And of course it’s easy to see when looking from the outside in.
So, I’m not judging, just observing, learning.
No matter where we are at in our own personal path in life, be it relationships, career, or other personal successes, I feel we should always stay open to learning and looking for ways to lend a helping hand, to share what knowledge we have obtained.
So, my observation is not for entertainment, but for study and theory. The unfortunate solution being, that no person can be given direction or an “easy answer” to fix their fatal pattern. Everybody has to go through each and every event and experience it for themselves to learn what they personally need to learn from any situation. Because, let’s face it, we all know you can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make it drink.
Explaining to someone needy that self-love is their solution is the last thing that person will be open to accepting.
They need to learn that lesson the hard way. They need to bottom out and be let down by other’s inability to fill their void, it’s only through that method that they’ll see the answer and gain the ability to heal themselves.
So, like any of my blogs, this is not an answer, solution or advice post, just a personal opinion intended to create awareness. Self-Awareness.
What are your relationships based on? Are you full on your own or looking for someone to fulfill you?
Is the attention that you require from others justified, or demanded to fulfill a need?
Do you give as much support as you take?
Does your partner support you, or just take, demand, and expect?
When your relationships end, do you take responsibility for anything? Or just place blame?
The more simple version to self-awareness is this question:
Do you want a relationship, or do you need someone?
Are you capable of supporting yourself emotionally or do you need someone else to always “fix” you?
Like I said, I have no answers, I have no judgements. Those are things we can only bring upon ourselves.
I am merely learning like the rest of us, and always trying to keep focused on my own pattern and progress as well.
Even if we’re married, happily or otherwise, this is a helpful subject matter to keep in mind. Keep ourselves in check. Keep our relationships balanced.
It may just save someone from emotional demise.
Will it be you?
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Twitter: /kalanilei – “your ex-girlfriend”
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Till next time . . . .