It’s probably cliché to say, but marriage lacks romance.
Not meaning to say that many spouses don’t try to maintain some spark throughout their endless, routine, usually stressful, often mundane, busy lives together, it just seems that expectations based on TV and movies destroys the efforts of reality. And is it even practical to believe you can preserve that “new-car-smell” in your 10 year old family van?
I’ve been reading articles regarding the subject of romance in marriage, and there seems to be a lot lacking! Not just in the romance department, but the journalism department as well. It’s like no one wants to discuss it, or everyone is afraid to poke the wound.
The most in depth article I read mentioned that some husbands (like mine) do attempt to sustain romance, but believe that simply complimenting you vaguely – “you look nice”-, or helping with household chores –that they should be helping with anyway– are romantic gestures. In the same article it also mentioned a number of partners who feel that romance is a shared experience, in that, if the partner hoping for a romantic experience creates it themselves, that the joy and excitement of the action will be equally shared.
It is my opinion, that both of these types of spouses are hopelessly lost to the concept of romantic gestures.
True, my husband is in the former group. However, his gentle attempts are not lost on me.
Because I’m aware that he cares and I see that he tries. He’s just not the big, romantic type. When it comes to romance, he’s clueless.
But, does that mean that with relationship romance, as with all gift giving, it’s the thought that counts? Is a romantic thought as good as a grand romantic gesture in marriage?
Would you be, honestly, pleased and grateful to receive no more this Valentine’s Day than a vague compliment and the trash taken out? Or would you enjoy an experience that you put all of the effort into planning and creating, despite that your partner may not care or be comfortable with big, romantic surprises the way that you would?
Is lack of romance, really what destroys marriages? Because, the euphoric bliss we experience from fresh infatuation seems a bit unrealistic to base a life-long, aging partnership on.
Maybe there is something to be said for dropping breadcrumbs of affection throughout your marriage though. Because, how long can a partner keep out-doing themselves on grand gestures, and wouldn’t it just become as expected and ordinary as every other aspect of your shared lives?
With those tiny breadcrumbs there is a chain of constance and dependability, there is sustainability. My husband knows he can keep up with the daily compliments, sporadic dishes, and constant butt gropes & neck kisses. And I know through those constant efforts that his affection for me and his appreciation are always there.
And, who knows, maybe one day he’ll read a book and catch a clue, and I’ll walk into some extraordinary, heart-stopping, tear-jerking, phenomenal spectacular. And because it’s so rare and unexpected, it will be appreciated that much more.
For now. . .
He’s snoring next to me on the couch.
Until next time!
Thank you for reading. *kisses*
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