Good Guys vs. Bad Boys

Why do good girls go for “bad boys”?
Do good girls always go for “bad boys”? Or do naive girls fall for assholes disguised as “good guys”?

Years ago I met a man, who at first and second glance was not noteworthy in any way.
In fact, I found him semi-creepy and kind of wierd…
However, after spending a significant amount of time working together, we seemed to develop a funny kind of friendly bond, which in time developed into
a mutual crush. At which point I got very strong signals from this man (I’ll call DJ) that he had interest in taking the relationship further.
(how much further, I couldn’t determine to be noble.)
I chose to protect my best interest and turn him away. He didn’t respond well to my rejection and unfortunately our work relationship, and subsequently our friendsip,
suffered because of it.
Shortly thereafter, we parted ways and life continued moving forward.
A few years later I got a phone call, it was DJ, he was back in town and wanted to meet for drinks…
I was anxious but excited to hear from him and agreed to meet (as I was in a better place in my life and was hoping to rekindle our original friendship).

The first encounter was strange and uneasy, it was like meeting a stranger. I kept looking into his eyes and trying to find that person I used to know…it took awhile.
After that encounter it was a while before we were in contact again. I’m not even sure how it happened, slowly but surely we rekindled that friendship and were
right back to where we were in our peak. It was awesome, I was so happy and he seemed to be equally as excited with our time together, as he would invite me to be in his
company more and more often. There was something different about him, something happier and healthier, almost more hopeful. After a few weeks we became what seemed like inseparable
(bordering codependant.)
If we weren’t together, we were texting all throughout the day. I wondered how he got any work done.
But, I was different too, happier in my own right, also more confident, more vulnerable. I trusted him, I allowed myself to give in to him and everything we were together.
I gave myself to him in every way, mind, body and soul. I felt safe in this, something I hadn’t felt in years. Life was good…..until
After about a week of our intimate relationship he started pulling away. He suddenly wasn’t the same man I had come to trust. He was distant and unemotional.
When I questioned his emotional shift he simply stated that he was “confused”.
I felt that that was an appropriate time to pull away myself. I explained to him that I didn’t want to be a factor in his confusion (assuming I had become an option)
and told him we needed to cut our communication until he figured things out.
I didn’t hear from him again.

About two weeks later, however, I was approached by a woman who claimed that they had been seeing eachother for over a month and demanded to know if I had been having
an affair with him within that time.

Needless to say, I was crushed, but not for long. It was a quick lesson to have learned and I dust it all off and move forward.
Not without emotional consequence, obviously. With every deceipt, lie, or heartache comes a thicker layer of skin, a harder piece of armour, a taller brick to the already
impossibly high wall for the next person to climb. And with every layer and brick and shield, you somehow become more of a challenge, more of a target to those with selfish
or cruel intentions. Making it even harder to trust, more impossible to love.

So why do good girls go for bad boys?

Because a “good guy” is very likely an asshole wrapped in deciept.
Because assholes will disguise themselves as good guys to get what they want.

Because a Bad Boy is obviously an asshole wrapped in asshole.
Because with a bad boy, we know what we’re getting.
Because with a bad boy, we have a fighting chance to hold on to our souls…

But that’s just my opinion.

For more of me and my opinions etc, tune in to YouTube.com/kalanilei
or
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For the boys (good & bad), here’s an alternate opinion from self-proclaim bitch Gigi Engle, on why Good Guys like Bad Girls!
Why Nice Guys Chase the Bitch

Stay Tuned . . .

From Young Buck to John Doe

Update on the nEXt…  I find myself having very little patience for dating BS these days.  It doesn’t take much to lose my interest or set me off in the world of dating anymore, nonetheless, apologies to the young cutie that I recently bad-blogged in my last post…

He was actually a pretty cool guy.  I just didn’t feel that he was showing enough interest or making enough effort, in any case, I didn’t hear from him frequently enough, because I don’t count “hittin me up on FaceBook” as personal contact.  Aaaanyhow, he showed up as my date to my birthday party a week later and stayed on my hip the whole night, calling me “baby” the entire time.  He took me on top of a volcano at the end of the evening and I had an amazing birthday to say the least!

Unfortunately, we are both very busy in our individual business ventures right now and I came to grips with the reality that he honestly is just realistically to young to have any real relationship with, and we have settled into a relationship as acquaintances instead.  But we miss each other, and he still “hits me up on FaceBook” every now and then, hahaha.

And while I’m on the subject of understanding what an appropriate dating candidate looks like…

There comes a time in the life of every woman who spends her adolescence falling for “bad boy” losers, when she finally comes around and realizes what kind of man she should be dating.  That time, for me, came right around the time I met a man I will refer to as “John Doe”…

“JD” was everything I thought a man should be on paper, plus adventurous, has kissable lips, and as a bonus he was kind of a nerd and everyone knows I find that adorable!   I immediately took interest in him, though at that time he was going through some kind of personal relationship roulette and I kept my distance and settled for being casual acquaintances until further notice.  That notice came about two-weeks ago, just before my birthday.  

We both travel frequently, but recently found ourselves in a mutual city and he invited me for a casual birthday dinner following my chaotic birthday weekend.  Over dinner we discussed our current new single status and decided to go for after-dinner drinks to further discuss our mutual interest  in one another.  Over drinks, he explained to me that he had been casually seeing someone recently, but that it wasn’t working out and he would like to take me on an official date in the near future.  Now, as I have stated, I have little patience for dating BS and told “JD” that I would give him a little more time to talk to his “companion” and really decide what to do…

A few days later “JD” called me drunk and upset claiming he had officially broken it off with this personal acquaintance and invited me out for drinks.  I declined.  (again, not jumping into any dating BS)  Instead, we scheduled an intimate dinner date for 2-3 days from that night.

Come the day of the date, “JD” calls me with a strangely shaky, nervous tone to his voice as he cancels our dinner, claiming last-minute business appointment…. I sensed something was foul from the tone in his voice, but I was sick at home anyhow and accepted the cancellation while patience slowly slipped from my ego.

Social Net Working Against Him (part 2):

Later that same evening a tag appeared on the wall of our mutual social networking site linking “JD” with his “recently ended acquaintance” and that was the last drop of patience “JD” had left in his BS bank with me.

But before it all was over, I met another young man at a BBQ who is the mutual friend of a friend and ooohhhh is he handsome! 😉

So, Stay Tuned for a WHOLE NEW LINE-UP of ALL NEW CHARACTERS on my continued adventures of Dating In Reality. . . .

Selfish Little Liar

…And just like that, “Jimmie James” is back in the $h!t-house. 

As a small part of the many promises “J.J.” made to me, during our time spent in Hawai’i, he offered to ship one of his dormant cars up to CA for me to use as transportation to and from work. “J.J.” has been sending a lot of excuses via text this week…  As of yesterday, I called him out on this promise asking him to give me a final answer as to whether the shipment was in progress or not, and “J.J.”s response was…embarrassing for him, so I won’t share it with all of you….Naa, scratch that!  You are my audience and vicariously my friends, and if he didn’t wanna look like a tool he wouldn’t act like one.  When asked to give a yes or no on whether he was going to follow-thru on his promise, “J.J.”s response text read:

“..babe u know if u n I were intimate…I would have been moving mountains for you…”

At which point a text argument ensued over how upset I was that he would treat me like a moronic-hooker and make false promises in order to get into my pants.  He immediately began to back-peddle his intentions and claim that he’s not trying to sleep with me, just spend time with me.  Well, time we spent!  (A whole wonderful week in Hawai’i)  During which time, he got no sex, at least not from me…but he sure did make a lot of promises!  And I know his text speaks volumes for itself.  “J.J.” is just digging deeper.

Last week, “Jimmie James” claimed that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me, that he intended to marry me, and that he loved me….this week, now that he’s being called on his bluff, “Jimmie James” has decided that rather than be a man and face his steaming fresh pile of B.S, he tuck his tail and run…

 

This is dating.  In reality.

Empty promises = LIES.  Every move and word designed to find out what your p#$$y feels like…

This text conversation between me and “J.J.” is ongoing. . . 

Stay Tuned…