It’s been awhile…
So much has restricted me in the past months, so much has emotionally overwhelmed me and incapacitated my ability to communicate. Much, if not all, of that has had to do with love…
This story is not all good, I’m not sure any truth could prevail in such a story, this story is the rough draft version of love and loss…
Throughout this blogging adventure I have been found in love, infatuated, insipid, irresponsible, ignorant and alone. Now, I am a new mother for the second time on a journey of suffering, self-awareness, security, and success.
In a recent, previous blog I mentioned a young man I had been having an irresponsible affair with that lead to an unexpected pregnancy and an even more unexpected tragedy of circumstances.
Since that time, that relationship has lead to the loss of my new infant son at the hand of his selfish, shameful, ignorant “father”… everyday I fight to the death to salvage whatever connection I possibly can with my infant son. Alone and desperately I have fought this demon and this tragedy, alone until now…
A few months ago I met a “nice guy”.
This was a perplexing challenge in my life up til now, a challenge I have, as far as I can tell, always lost in the past. But I met this guy and he broke the mold. He came into my life at one of the lowest points I have ever faced, he took me into his life and into his heart and relieved so much of my emotional burden and pain. This guy is like a miracle (or a living lie, for the longest time I couldn’t decide). This “nice guy” changed my mind about “every guy” by making me realize that they are NOT all the same. This “nice guy” REALLY IS a NICE GUY.
This nice guy, changed my life.
This nice guy is good to me in every way, and I am finally appreciated and encouraged instead of used and suppressed.
This nice guy showed me that I actually am worthy of love and released my fear and shame.
In his eyes I am beautiful, and strong, and creative, and kind, I am smart and loving, I am talented and have a really nice ass…. heehee just kidding…but not really, he loves my ass ;P
Through his perception, I am able to see that my goodness and strength is not lost upon the world of selfish drones. I am appreciated by at least one. I am loved and admired for being myself. I am seen for the person I really am, and not for the image they want me to be. He sees through the rumors, he lives above the lies.
In his arms I am as strong as he believes that I am.
In his eyes I am as beautiful as he sees that I am.
I have never been so in love with a man.
I am healing from the heartache of losing my loved one, but with his love, I am also growing stronger in my ability to push forward and fight. With him in my corner I believe, I feel, I can do anything. I feel I can win.
I am stronger and smarter through the love of him.
This is not a happy ending.
The journey doesn’t end here.
This is a happy beginning. This story is an introduction to a new person, a third layer, an older, wiser, more confident, more secure, more able person.
I met a nice guy…. and this nice guy saved me from what could have been the end…
This is the beginning.
A new woman, a new mother, a new designer, and soon… a new wife 😉
Stay Tuned. . .
Relationships In Reality 