Did I really type out in a previous blog, the phrase “What can go wrong?”?!? A blog mainly focused on a relationship of nothing more or less than “Fun & Games”, assuming no victims…
Well… I guess I brought this luck upon on myself then!
Allow me to present myself as the poster-child for irresponsible, ignorant consequence of a “fun” relationship.
That was a little over a year ago today, and today, I find myself 8 months pregnant with my boy-toy nowhere to be found.
Yep, I brought this on myself. Over-confident in my ability to “have my cake and eat it too”, to control the outcome of a partnership between two humans based in chaos and selfishness and some amount of co-dependence, but not on responsibility or loyalty or even self-respect (on either part).
It was a way to let go, to escape, to indulge… It was a hedonistic relationship that ended, tragically, with permanent, unavoidable, responsible, unindulgent results… But, seemingly, only for me.
So, I have only myself to blame and I have only myself to rely on in raising this child of hedonism, of irresponsibility, of pleasure, of shame, this “love” child.
This is not the storybook or movie version of romance at its most unrealistic dream state. This is the weapon of mass destruction that is emotional human interaction at its raw, uncontrolled core. This is reality… ugly and sad and tragic and stupid and irresponsible, but this is real and this is really how flawed we are, we all are, not in the same ways but on the same scale of human error and emotional miscalculations leading to undesirable and often permanent consequences…
But this is Dating, in Reality.
And this is me in reality, vulnerable and exposed, ignorant and ashamed, and very knocked up with a very important lesson in my life. It’s only fun & games IF no one gets hurt, and I have a lot of work to do to ensure my “love” child growing up with an absent father will not result in pain, emptiness, or shame on his/her part. I have to love myself even more and be fulfilled with the love of my children in order to love them enough for two in hopes to keep them from becoming a second victim of the same mistake.
So there it is, and here I am, your personal eX-girlfriend…now your soon-to-be Baby Mama ;P
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Thanks for reading….
Relationships In Reality 