Did I Say That?

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Did I really type out in a previous blog, the phrase “What can go wrong?”?!?  A blog mainly focused on a relationship of nothing  more or less than “Fun & Games”, assuming no victims…

Well… I guess I brought this luck upon on myself then!

Allow me to present myself as the poster-child for irresponsible, ignorant consequence of a “fun” relationship.

That was a little over a year ago today, and today, I find myself 8 months pregnant with my boy-toy nowhere to be found.

Yep, I brought this on myself.  Over-confident in my ability to “have my cake and eat it too”, to control the outcome of a partnership between two humans based in chaos and selfishness and some amount of co-dependence, but not on responsibility or loyalty or even self-respect (on either part).

It was a way to let go, to escape, to indulge…  It was a hedonistic relationship that ended, tragically, with permanent, unavoidable, responsible, unindulgent results… But, seemingly, only for me.

So, I have only myself to blame and I have only myself to rely on in raising this child of hedonism, of irresponsibility, of pleasure, of shame, this “love” child. 

This is not the storybook or movie version of romance at its most unrealistic dream state.  This is the weapon of mass destruction that is emotional human interaction at its raw, uncontrolled core.  This is reality… ugly and sad and tragic and stupid and irresponsible, but this is real and this is really how flawed we are, we all are, not in the same ways but on the same scale of human error and emotional miscalculations leading to undesirable and often permanent consequences…

But this is Dating, in Reality.

And this is me in reality, vulnerable and exposed, ignorant and ashamed, and very knocked up with a very important lesson in my life.  It’s only fun & games IF no one gets hurt, and I have a lot of work to do to ensure my “love” child growing up with an absent father will not result in pain, emptiness, or shame on his/her part.  I have to love myself even more and be fulfilled with the love of my children in order to love them enough for two in hopes to keep them from  becoming a second victim of the same mistake.

 

So there it is, and here I am, your personal eX-girlfriend…now your soon-to-be Baby Mama ;P

Keep up with the chaos by stalking me through any of these available online venues:

Twitter @kalanilei

Facebook Your Baby Mama

YouTube KalaniLei

or

Stay Tuned right here at WordPress for more Dating In Reality!

Thanks for reading….

Social Networking Saves Me Again!

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Social Networking saves me again from “caring more than I should” (as it’s been said)
BBQ Boy is already off the plate and back on the table again…
We did have amazing chemistry for a few days there, and he is a lot of fun to play with, but there is no longevity or maturity in that relationship. However, I see no point in throwing out a perfectly good toy until I find a shiny new thing to replace it with. So for the time being, BBQ Boy and I will remain friends and continue to enjoy our sporatic play-dates until further notice…

In other news, another blast recently walked out of my past and it’s not bad news…yet. A young man whom I used to be terribly fond of and, if not for the age difference at the time of our original friendship, I would have pursued more of an interest in the young man… The young man that is currently all grown up! And seeing him again in his new state of maturity recently has re-sparked the original interest I once felt for him. If not for the details. . .
I already find myself thinking of him nearly daily, more so than during our original friendship. What’s happening here?
Stay Tuned. . .

Wrong

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It went wrong.
Of course it did, I knew it would. Considering his age… Like I had said in the previous post “I see it…”  How quickly it went wrong, however, was a lilttle surprising to me.

The boy was 23yrs old, but he acted like he was 12yrs old.  Admittedly, I got a little closer to him a little more quickly than I had intended to, I got caught up in the wave of positive changes in my life and accidentally allowed myself to believe that I was capable of making relationship decisions. Not relationship, really, but I chose to have a temporary fling with a young man that played me like the high school whore.
Yep, I got played.

First time in my life and it happens 15yrs into my dating career.
So, congratulations to the young man who humped and dumped me last weekend…We could have had more, but you have your obligations and excuses…

Hell, he may have a current relationship for all I don’t know…or MANY, from what I do!
In any case, WE don’t.

Find videos at: YouTube.com/kalanilei

On to the n-eX-t…

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As of the last week of July, I have been back on the hawaiian islands. Please excuse me if I have not updated my blog in over a week, things are very busy over here! Not only have I been taking advantage of the sun, I have been shopping, designing, party planning, and yes, searching prospects for potential new dates!

I apologize for the last post, I have also been drinking for over a week and have been drunk for about a week straight…
No, I have not had any contact with “eX’, I guess I finally had enough. If he was worth anything, he would have protected me from harrassment. NEXT…

Finally I am fully single again! And as many of you can imagine, and some of you already know, the hawaiian islands are FULL of sexual energy and eager participants… That said, there has not been any short in attention from the opposite sex. Over the past two weeks I have spoken with NUMEROUS potential dates and have even exchanged numbers with a few. Dates are set up for today and tomorrow evening…

The first of which will be with a young man that I have to admit, I am very attracted to (but purely physically), and the other is with a man that I am not physically attracted to, but we seem to have a really comfortable chemistry, so we will see how this plays out…

Look out for a brand new video @: YouTube.com/kalanilei

Oh, and there is now a brand of clothing to eXpress your interest in your (…my, or someone else’s) EX!   http://www.ex-girlfriendclothing.com

Stay Tuned! . . .

2nd Impression

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It’s Saturday morning…or well, afternoon (11:50am) and I am eating my breakfast biscuit and stirring over an *error in my evening last night…

A long, long time ago, when I was in the 6th grade, I had a crush on a cute boy that I will refer to as “MJ” (having nothing to do with Micheal Jackson).  A few months ago, I found after moving to this dead-end country town, that he was one of a very few people I knew that have moved here as well over the years.  At the time that we reconnected via our social network, he was in a failing relationship (but a relationship nonetheless) and I was settling into my traumatic transition to this hick-hole of a city.  Needless to say, we didn’t communicate much other than online updates to say hi, brief updates on life, and much-needed local insight on potential careers in this town.

Within the past few months, things have shifted for the both of us and we recently found an opportunity to get together and catch-up in person.

After spending, what accidentally ended up being, 3 hours on the phone two nights ago, “MJ” made plans with me to go out the following night, which was last night…

It was so strange, seeing this person I used to know so long ago, but it not really being him.  Obviously, a 12yr old kid was not going to show up at the door, but it was like meeting a new person all over again. 

“MJ” was a little late, unlike “26” who arrived on the minute, but not so late that I was upset, just enough to make me wonder where he was at.  He came to the door like a gentleman and did all of the chivalrous things of the old school.  There was even a bottle of chardonnay waiting in the car.  “MJ” invited me back to his place for pre-date drinks.  Being as early in the evening as it was, I agreed and we get to his kitchen only to find that he has no wine key!  …. What do you think we had to do?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e4KG3e5Uy3o

After a quick drink and some meaningful catching up, we hurried off to eat at Ink.  Now, this place is hard to describe…or really easy actually: It’s a bar/club/diner built onto the property of a tattoo shop.  The music is pumpin, so it’s kinda loud (this is no place for a nice, quiet, romantic date).  There is a wait on Friday nights, I’m not sure about any other day, our wait was around half an hour.  -The bar was jammed and the front was crowded (and cold), so we took a quick trip to the liquor store and grabbed a 6-pack to keep us busy while we waited in the car out front.-  Considering the atmosphere, the food is really good!  There is a good mix of options on the menu and everything is around $10 ala cart, so you can mix it up.  I had the truffle mac & cheese w/ kielbasa, which appeared to be the house specialty dish because it was on almost every table, “MJ” had one of his regular favorites, the chicken tacos w/ fries.  {There is only one toilet room per sex, which I thought was absurd considering the volume.}  But we ate great food and made it out of there just after midnight and aimed for a nightclub/lounge down the street…

The next stop on our evening was called Parlare (and there is some debate on how it’s pronounced).  There were no major issues with the evening up until that point and it seemed that we were both enjoying each others company and really flawlessly interacting as though we have been the greatest of friends throughout all these years.  It was a great, fun evening.  Until. . .

I get a call at almost 1am from “eX”!  At first, I didn’t answer, thinking he wouldn’t call again and I would call him back in the morning….unfortunately, he called another 3 times in a row! 

*-Ok, last week when I was out with “26” I got the midnight calls from “eX” as well and again, didn’t answer at first, but when he called repeatedly I picked up.  I immediately admitted that I was out, which seemed to upset him, so this time, I was in a seemingly quiet place and picked up with the intention to find out if it was important or otherwise convince him that I was in bed sleeping (where he obviously wants me to be).  This plan fell apart right away.  I guess I underestimated the level of noise on the street along with my cell phones ability to pick up that noise and once again, “eX” got upset!  Which obviously, upset me.  1: I HATE lying, because I feel horrible when I do and 2: “eX’ should have no emotional attachment to what I do with my own life, because it’s been 7 months since we ended our BS “relationship” and he assures me everyday (in some way or another) that we are never going to be together in the future.  So WHY then, does he get upset at the idea that someone else is interested in being apart of my future?!?-

Despite the upsetting phone call from “eX”, I enjoyed the Parlare and was shocked by the crowd!  It was predominately Asians in their early 20s!  I’ve been in Sacramento, Ca for months now and running into an asian person in Sacramento is like the equivalent of running across an african american in Hawai’i, not that you don’t, it’s just not common.  But wow, it’s like every young person of an asian background in the Sacramento area were all under the same roof!  And they were partying, and super trendy, and super friendly, and everyone so beautiful and so young, and drunk!…this place was great!  It reminded me of the more stylish end of Hawaii.  I guess “MJ” knew I’d feel at home 🙂

We were at the Parlare long enough to have one more drink and take in the sights (and ohhhh maan, were there sights to see).  After the club, we headed back to “MJ”s place to finish off the bottle of chardonnay and have some wind-down conversation over a movie.  We drank and talked until I noticed that it was now 4 in the morning and insisted on getting home before I passed out on someone else’s couch!

Overall, I had a great time with “MJ”, it’s odd and amazing how the energy just flows.  I feel like we could be out together all night just taking in the same activities and not say one word to each other and I would still enjoy his company.  Strange.  Maybe it’s still just new, but “MJ” is a person I would like to spend another day with in the future.

I guess it’s time to really get this “eX” situation dealt with once and for all…and for good. . .

Stay Tuned. . .

“26”

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Last Friday, I had a date with a boy I will, for now, refer to as “26”.

(Not for any reason other than that those are the numbers corresponding with his initials on my Qwerty pad)

 

We first met one month ago at the temporary job I just got fired from, he trained me to replace him (but forgot to leave me his facial hair and physique).  Upon meeting, I didn’t feel an instant swoon or anything, but within a few hours in his company, I have to admit, I began to develop a bit of a crush.  He’s young, he’s charming, he’s cultured, he’s witty and fun, he has interesting hobbies and talents, he’s educated and active, he’s handsome…what’s not to like?  There were only 3 days to spend together, as he was in his last week there, but by the 3rd day, I was picturing myself being his girlfriend.

Funny, I haven’t had a crush on someone like this in a very long time.  And this one has actually got his sh!t together!

He cleverly exchanged numbers with me and casually suggested that we do something sometime soon.  I didn’t make anything of his request, as I have had people throw this casual suggestion out at many occasions just in the heart of being sociable or polite.  But by the 3rd time he insisted on it, I began to believe him.

Now, as I mentioned, this guy has his sh!t together, and part of that sh!t is that he has recently been accepted into a very prestigious medical school here in town.  I understand that he has a lot of work to do in order to keep up with his program, so I didn’t really expect us to be doing anything together anytime soon. 

Somewhat unexpectedly though, the “stranger” recently decided that his sexual tension has built up far enough and that he can no longer handle the responsibility of doing the good deed of offering to share his home with me and has asked me to be out within a week.  This could almost not come soon enough, as I have been looking into other housing options for a few weeks now on account of his constant sexual harassment, though almost too soon it did in fact come, because he only gave me one week notice!   As I announced on my social network, my sudden plans to be leaving the area, I get a response from “26” insisting that we do go out and do something before I leave in a week.  *kinda swoon*

So, like a real man, “26” followed through and pursued the plan.  He communicated in advance, he made a plan, he called the day of to confirm, he was incredibly punctual in picking me up, and he had picked out some somewhat perfect spots to take me to and I had a perfect time.  The evening was great being in his company, the conversation seemed to flow effortlessly, the chemistry was so comfortable…  It was as though we were already dating. . .

But just as I got the warm and fuzzy feeling of being in an awesome relationship with this man, I also had the disappointing realization that I would most likely be leaving the state soon, at least for the summer, and that a relationship with “26” would probably not be realistic.

Nonetheless, I allowed myself to enjoy the evening and even found that come closing time, I did not want the night to end.  Obviously, “26” was thinking the same, because as he walked  me back to the car he charmingly offered me the option of opening a bottle of wine back at his place.  I accepted!

Normally, I would never accept an invitation back to a man’s home on a first (or third) date, but sometimes, when the chemistry is right, you just know it’s the right thing to do. 

We arrived at his place just after 2am and after being introduced to the dog, I made myself comfortable on the couch and he poured the wine….  We talked a little more, mostly about the charming decor of his apartment, then decided (based upon a movie poster in his livingroom) to watch the old classic movie Swingers.  At this point he cuddled comfortably on the couch beside me, which must have been a little too comfortable for us both, because next thing we knew it was morning!

Overall I’d say the date was nearly perfect, it is always a little awkward waking up next to a date from the night before (no matter the circumstances), especially when you both have things to do…  Regardless, I wish him the best and hope for myself for the best as well, and if all goes well and it is meant for me to be in this town, then maybe we will see each other again.

Stay Tuned…